Khia Shamone Finch: Hip-Hop Philosopher

I was over at my idol's blog when I discovered that rapper Khia has an advice column in Hood Magazine(??!??!?). Sigh...the name of the magazine is a conversation in itself but right now we want to focus on the following letter that was sent to Khia...

Khia help me I been with this girl faithfully for 7 months and she havent let me glance at the pussy. I havent felt no titties or nothing what am I doing wrong. Shes not a virgin she got two girls. I don't know how much longer I can wait. The hardest part is she always wearing short shit, and khia she got a big gurilla ass. Please help me!

-Mike (Houston, TX)

In response, Khia wrote...

What's really Hood Mike? This sounds like some Jerry Springer shit, 7 months without even a glance at the pussy what is that about, you sure she's not a man? I know you said she has two kids but damn are they her's? You know there's a lot of punks out here getting ass shots and tittie jobs but for real you say you ain't feel no ass, titties or nothing. What is she saying about this because something in the milk ain't clean. What is she telling you when you try and get some, damn I'm lost for words. Well all I can say is if you really care about her talk to her and find out what's really going on and why she's holding back. Tell her your needs as a man and let her know how you feel cause shit she's going to have to drop them panties sooner or later and I hope she ain't hiding a dick under there. Shit maybe she's waiting for marriage this time you say she has two kids already, maybe she wants to do it right this time and if so you better start shopping for a ring or move...Next!!!!!

My head hurts...see you in a few hours.